Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   I-knew-you-were trouble when you logged in. So shame on me now-Inviting me to games I-would-never-playyy...Til you pissed me off-Ohh!! , Ohh!! Trouble, Trouble. I knew you were Blocked when you logged in.

   Congratulations Michael Jordan on your new marriage.....Now she owns you.

   Man that Game of Thrones is a much better fictional novel series than the Bible ever is.

   Maybe....just maybe if we wait a little longer, a fú¢k fell in my hand, I can give it to you.

   I opened up Microsoft Word, sneezed all over my keyboard, I accidently made a Honey Boo Boo reality show script.

   Telling an atheist to respect your religion is like telling a black person to respect the KKK.

   I heard Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian never really got into high school. Which is not surprising as to why a lot of dudes got into them.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. A bag of weed is cheaper than a dinner for two.

   "This is America. We don't stop doing something 'cause it's wrong. We just keep doing it til it's right." - Ed Wuncler (The Boondocks)

   Shout out to all the KKK members who have a birthday in Black History month and a birthday on the same day as MLK.

   Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this bit¢h breathing out of her nose like she owns the oxygen here."

   Chocolate contains 'phenylethylamine'. That's the same natural chemical your brain produces when you fall in love. And you wonder why women like chocolate.

   Women who say that men only want to have is sex are the women who have nothing else to offer than that.

   The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.

   It turns out if a person looks into your eyes for more than 6 seconds without blinking, he/she wants to either kill you or have sex with you.

   Dear Ladies: Smiles are more attractive than duckfaces. Keep that in mind when you're editing your dating profile.

   Arguing with a person who has rejected the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

   Silence doesn't always mean 'Yes'. Sometimes it means "I'm tired of explaining to people who don't even care to understand."

   Cut off fake people for real reasons, NOT real people for fake reasons.

   Tips for Guys on Valentine's Day: Tell your girl you already got somethingn and make her guess. She'll automatically list things she want.