love Funny Status Messages

   I just saw a commercial that said, "Spend less time cleaning your toilet and have more time for the things you love to do." ... Yeah, like because I spend so much time cleaning my toilet that by the time I'm finished the whole day is over.

   I love Trump so much, I'm willing to make up anything in order to make Joe Biden look bad. Come back Trump, I can't live without you!!!

   I’d love to have a s*x change. Preferably from none to absolutely sh*tloads

   Every time my husband wakes me up to tell me I’m snoring we end up making love. I’m beginning to question whether or not I snore.

   “I just called to say I love you.” -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work

   If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.

   Dear Narcissist, I wish I could find a way to love you as much as you love you.

   Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. You will thank me for this later you’re welcome

   A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

   Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.

   All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

   Love conquers all things, except poverty and a toothache.

   When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

   Love the deli paper on the doctor’s table. Mmm I’m a sick little sandwich

   Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

   I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

   Black Olives Matter... Just love them right out of the can and on salads.

   i can promise you I will never love anyone enough to ride a tandem bike with them

   I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.

   I could really go for a pinata right about now. I’d love to beat the crap out of something and then have some candy.