Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 299 of 6383
Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?
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02-03-2021 20:59 by Fazzy
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Presidents day is canceled until we get one.
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02-03-2021 16:36 by Cyndi
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Hate how my automatic spell checker turns sentences like "I'd be happy to work for you" into "I'd be happy to twerk for you" which would be great if I was looking for a job as a Chippendale dancer.
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02-03-2021 10:00 by Moon
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My daughter is angry that I won’t let her eat icicles hanging off our house, like I’m some kind of monster for denying her a gutter sucker.
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02-03-2021 09:29
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Frankenstein was 90% about someone making up a guy and then getting mad at him
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02-03-2021 09:28
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Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
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02-03-2021 08:11
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Just did my own taxes . I should be in jail by Friday.
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02-03-2021 08:10
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My neighbors hate me because I still haven’t taken my Groundhog Day decorations down.
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02-03-2021 07:58
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Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.
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02-03-2021 07:58
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Ginger bread man give good sloppy toppy
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02-02-2021 23:51
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I spent a year once in a two week lockdown to flatten the curve...
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02-02-2021 22:15 by MrSharp
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Marriage tip #1 & #2: Sleeping on the couch with the dog isn't all that bad. It kind of reminds you of camping out.
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02-02-2021 13:28
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Don't Yuck someone else's Yum !
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02-02-2021 12:53
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My washer and dryer finished at the same time, but I think my dryer faked it.
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02-02-2021 08:45
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Kamala has had more politicians in her than the White House, the Capitol and the Lincoln Memorial combined.
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02-02-2021 08:21 by Fazzy
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Marriage tip #2: If your wife is acting kind of tired, to help her out, you can make her a to-do list. And when you give it to her, she will be thankful that you did all the thinking work for her.
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02-02-2021 07:02 by Gary
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Marriage tip #1: If your wife asks you if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat, just tell her that if she ran at the gym like she ran her mouth at home, she wouldn't have to ask that question.
The left will blame Donald T for all of Joe B's failures because it's easier than admitting they elected the wrong guy.
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02-01-2021 13:14 by Fazzy
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glad all they boyfriends and husbands and People are away
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02-01-2021 12:31
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Maybe now that we’ve kept Joe busy writing his name for a week, we should move onto shapes and colors.
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02-01-2021 12:17 by Fazzy
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