Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I know alcohol is never the answer, but it's always my best guess

   Hey girls who feel empty and inadequate unless they have a man; that's a lot of pressure on a creature that can't even piss inside a toilet bowl without missing.

   Happy Mayan new year!

   The world isn't going to end today. Anyway, I'll check the status of my joke after the Winter Solstice, I can't get a signal in my nuclear bomb shelter...

   Mayans are the main reason why I have trust issues >=(

   So when is the next end of the world???

   OK Mayan's you missed out on these "END of world" predictions don't worry it's not like there is no tomorrow!!!!

   Congratulations, you survived the Mayan Disaster. Please resume your life. Thank you.

   apparently people don't know how to read mayan in very well. it never said the world would end however I believe it said Wisconsin would close

   The world won't end in 2012, Marty Mcfly has been to 2015

   Text:I wanna be inside you. Reply: You were for 9 months. Sorry mom wrong number.

   i'm not stalking, i'm making sure you're always ok.

   I don't date because I have a kitten. Making more than one pu$$y happy is hard I tell you.

   "I'm gonna cramp your style." - Menstruation

   If EVERY radio station on Earth doesn't play R.E.M.'s "It's the end of the world as we know it(and I feel fine) at the PRECISE moment of the solstice...well then you 've really just wasted all of our time!

   - My wife got us tickets to The Nutcracker for tomorrow night, so at this point I'm rooting for the Mayans.

   dear Myans, its ok to be wrong...its not like its the end of the world

   The day you start looking forward to being abused in the nursing home is the day you realize your life sucks

   Before we blame the Mayans let us ask ourselves; what if Bruce Willis and his crew are actually up there and they have successfully nuked the meteor

   everyone's making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.