Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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A wise man once said........................... nothing,,, He just let her vent 
If you think your cat loves you, just remember it would probably yawn and go to sleep while watching you getting murdered with a rake
Top Reasons I Procastinate... 1.)
The girl at Mcdonald asked me what I'm "talkmbout" <------Ghetto word of today!
I made my bed, I've failed countless of times by not taking any seats. But I will surely get out my bed every morning and try again, cuz failing is a stepping stone to success. Failure, is not falling down of the bed; but remaining where you have fallen.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.
People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.
so I just watched " Limitless" for the 1st time with my girlfriend. She said " Wouldnt it be great if there was a drug that you could accomplish anything and just b a little sick afterwards?"..i was like, there is, its called OPIATES...
Well it turns out, the answer wasn't at the bottom of the bottle, I guess I'll have to check in the other 23...
Q) What did the snail say when rode on the turtle's back? A) WHEEEEEEEE!!!
Shine on you crazy cubic zirconia.
Well, the New US Congress finished its first real day of work. There's probably a motion on the floor now to take the rest of the year off.
from now on, I only drink Gluten free beer. Just kidding, I don’t know what Gluten is but I bet it’s delicious!!
I used to be Pro Life until I found out Kim Kardashian was pregnant!
I Met A Good Friend Through A Fake Friend
The next time someone says to me "This too shall pass" they'd better be talking about a joint. 