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Page: 291 of 6451
My wife asked me with loving eyes, "What did I do to deserve you?" I responded, "I'm guessing something horrible in a past life!"
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10-23-2021 10:25 by
@ttmichael09
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Dog the Bounty Hunter says it's not him. Increases reward to a Million dollars.
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10-22-2021 12:12 by
Rick
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Got fired for being too early
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10-21-2021 14:18
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LGBTQ = Let's Get Biden To Quit
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10-21-2021 12:52 by
Ef-Az-Zzee
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“I was exposed to COVID and have to quarantine” is now my go to excuse to get out of literally everything.
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10-21-2021 10:33
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Today is nation Sloth day, it should of been yesterday, but they didn't get around to it.
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10-20-2021 16:51 by
MM
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What does Mario spend all those gold coins on? He has one outfit, travels by foot & lives in the sewer
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10-20-2021 11:20
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Walk of shame Except it’s me leaving the work bathroom just as the cleaners show up
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10-20-2021 10:45
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Why isn’t there a shortage of workers trying to sell me auto insurance?
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10-19-2021 13:58
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Taking the dog to the vet see you in $300
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10-19-2021 11:47
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Last night I ate Cheetos for dinner, watched Rugrats, and played Mario Kart…if you’re in to mature women
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10-19-2021 11:08
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Last night my wife was watching Marie Kondo, this morning I woke up on the curb.
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10-19-2021 09:24
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Pandas are living proof that you can get fat from just eating salad.
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10-19-2021 09:03
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Looks like we're ready for Halloween trick or treaters. Tested the sprinkler system and it's working.
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10-19-2021 09:03
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just ate soup so fast my Fitbit thought I was running
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10-19-2021 09:01
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why do dryers have a ‘less dry option?’ which one of you is ordering your socks medium rare
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10-19-2021 09:01
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All I want to do is go to open houses & earnestly whisper to potential buyers “it’s a shame what happened to the previous family.”
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10-19-2021 09:00
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Nothing confuses me more than vegan mascara. Who is eating mascara?
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10-19-2021 09:00
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I quit smoking cold turkey. And I quit drinking cold duck.
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10-18-2021 22:17
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My favorite bible verse is Lunch 12:45
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10-18-2021 09:04 by
Yaj
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