Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Relax... You'll only be sore for a few days.

   I wonder how many women refuse to date me because my hair is better than theirs.

   Big mouths overcompensate for small minds.

   Real Music died in the early 90's.

   What I lack in confidence, I make up for in whisky.

   If you dance like no one's watching you, you will never get laid.

   If I get arrested, I am going to ask for a tweet instead of a phone call.

   Lucky for you there seems to be no shortage of people willing to settle for less than they deserve.

   If I say something profoundly insulting and you think it's about you, might be time to reevaluate who you really are.

   What a beautiful world it would be if only boobs were the answer to all the world's problems.

   My girlfriend says I shouldn't plan things so far in advance. Well, she's not my girlfriend yet.

   So Chris Brown smoked a little pot. If blunts are the only thing he's hitting, that sounds like progress to me.

   I may not be right but I'm a beautiful piece of wrong.

   I just saw an honest political leader, riding a unicorn.

   You know you are on a hamster wheel when you go to work to make enough money to pay for your car so you can get to work.

   The only thing that's clear to me right now is Vodka.

   It's no coincidence that you have never seen a hunger strike for the legalization of marijuana.

   I only get in the van if they offer me drugs and alcohol because screw candy I'm a grown ass man and you can't fool me.

   I have a confession to make, but I don't think any of you here are priests.

   Denial (n.) Balding men with ponytails.