Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ‎1st half take...my grandma could've defended better than the 49ers!

   I wish they would quit interupting the commercials with this lame football game!

   My idea of a Superbowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

   In the off season Ray Lewis works out at the North Pole with Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.

   I heard Colin Kaepernick is going to lip-sync his play calls

   Who"s gonna win the Super Bowl? I predict Harbaugh wins hands down.

   Time to watch me some Men in Tights. Yay Superbowl!

   Tony Romo tried to throw a Superbowl party but it was intercepted

   Not even a gun range has enough good guys with a gun to stop one bad guy with a gun!

   Just saw an ad that read: "Fluffer wanted for movie set". They must have a lot of pillows, huh? Well, I sent my resume in, wish me luck!

   First song on the radio this morning was "I got you babe"... for a second I thought I was re-living yesterday... and that I was Bill Murray...

   Are those Chinese tattoos on your neck the symbols for unemployment?

   Why raise your middle finger to a hater when you can break their jaw?!

   nature runs a restaurant called Karma. It's a place where there is no need to place any order. You are automatically served what you deserve.

   Burger King's new company slogan: "When it comes to hunger, we don't horse around"...

   a cup of Starbucks coffee and a cup of Tim Hortons coffee were talking and the Starbucks coffee asked the Tim Horton coffee "Why aren't you as bitter as I am?" The Tim Hortons coffee responded.. "Can't help it, I am Canadian!"

   I appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans in our inability to read Roman numerals.

   hasn't done laundry in 5 months and isn't wearing any underwear right now, just a big sock. and I do mean a BIG sock.

   Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest ..... Eat a banana!

   If you watch an Apple store get robbed... are you an iWitness?