Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Coincidence that Valentine's Day and Venereal Disease share the same initials? I think not.

   Many folks have a possession "bronzed". I'm talking about my b@lls. When she said she wanted something in the driveway that went from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds, maybe I shouldn't have put a bathroom scale out there.

   "I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons

   Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.

   Oscar Pistorius has now changed his name to Oscar Pistol-rius

   hope everyone had a great valentines day...and for those who didnt celebrate hope you guys had a good alentine ay......since you didnt get neither the "V" or the "D"....

   Happy alentines ay: for those who wont be getting the V or the D.

   You dumb ass!!! My intelligence is your common sense... Wait! What? 0_o

   Pistorius's lawyer has told , plead guilty as he has not got a leg to stand on . !!

   my clothes are christian...this week in the laundry they gave up some lint for lent

   i'm an animal in the bedroom...a sloth

   The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.

   The best enemy maker on earth: Facebook & Internet!

   I think Congress should be forced to go on minimum wage. That way I can feel more comfortable calling them public servants!

   Watching a cruise ship soaked with sewage tug its vomiting passengers to an Alabama shore, and thinking of you. Happy Valentine's Day.

   BRIAN ESSBE 8 hours ago If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts

   it just me or does it look like the Carnival cruise ship is leaving a skid mark across Mobile Bay?

   I'm going to shut off my phone round 9pm just to not get and avoid any desperate last minute chicks

   What did one Party fish say to the another party fish....."This Carnival is stinking up the sea"

   For those girls who aint shaved.......I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Carnival Cruise Line on Fire!