Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   First, there was planking, then owling and milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be thinking, that would be great.

   The sigh of relief when you realize the song playing is "Under Pressure" not "Ice Ice Baby"

   There's no such thing as a Chubby "Chaser"...chubby folks can't run very fast.

   If Oscar Pistorius was born without arms instead of born without legs, this whole thing would of never happened...

   Everybody's got their own aIcohol they won't ever touch again because of an awful teenage experience

   it's so annoying when the person you're talking to goes on and on and on and on and on and on...

   This girl seems like the kind of person who uses a lot of hand gestures when she's talking to her gynecologist on the phone.

   She tried keeping up with the Kardashians, but now it burns when she pees.

   to you it's a 6 pack... to me.... it's a support group

   men really don't want their minds blown...

   You know it's true love when you ask her what she is thinking about and she says "SEX" and you reply "Me too".

   Well.... If this snow fall is the weathermans idea of 7 inches- I bet his wife is a very disappointed woman................

   Satan has introduced many awful things to mankind like herpes and aids, but I'd say one of his worst has got to be The Gangnam Style.

   Gotta admire the people that get in shape for nothing

   And the Oscar goes to.................................... Court for killing his girlfriend.

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and some b itch will tell him he's doing it wrong.

   Who's gonna give Rob Schneider work when Adam Sandler dies?

   People with beards apparently have something to hide. Femininity for example, if they are a woman.

   Every exit is an emergency exit when you're on LSD.

   I can already tell by the way your son throws a baseball that he is going to love baseball. ................players.