Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   The best part about living in a small town is when I don't know what i'm doing,someone else does.

   I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.

   It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.

   A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

   ..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..

   I hate when women say their body is "shaped like a Coke bottle" and fail to mention that bottle is a 3 liter.

   "GATES PLEDGES $10 BILLION FOR VACCINES." Hope it's to fight viruses in windows.

   It's not the minutes that we spend sitting at the table that puts on weight. It's the seconds.

   Some things are best kept between you and your neighbours. Like a fence.

   Politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed frequently and for the same reason.

   Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

   Of course,men can multitask. They read on the toilet.

   I love your approach. Now let's see about your departure.

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.

   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

   When setting the table, does the remote control go to the left, to the right or over the dinner plate?

   This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all

   I went to the bookshop and asked "How much are your "For Dummies" books?" The guy replied "How much ya got?"

   To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.