Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If anybodys looking for me i'll be in Southie lookin for Erin's Gold Bra. Happy St Patricks Day

   I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "Yep, that's the one", I said.

   Dear Eminem, Not only did yousteal our name but we're both black on theinside too. Sincerly, M&M'S

   I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things...

   I wish that talking ferret from my dream was real. He was a right laugh

   Do you think St. Patrick is looking down from heaven thinking, "What are they doing? I hated beer and the color green."

   FACEBOOK – A place where couples wish they were single and the singles wish they were couples.

   The difference between "single" and "alone" is cats.

   There should be a Fresh Prince reunion where Will Smith plays himself and rest of them are unemployed.

   You have to personally know a moron to fully appreciate the meaning of the word ‘moron’. A mere dictionary won't do.

   I am doing an all day binger at Wendy's for St. Fatty's Day

   When you are talking to yourself, if you are polite about it, people won't think you're crazy.

   Chic-fill-a really does descriminate against gays. Their ketchup packets were super hard for me to open.

   St Patrick's day: A day the Irish celebrate their rich heritage by acting like a bunch of Puerto Ricans.

   Part of my workout routine is that I always get hammered before I go jogging...... That way I never go jogging.

   Ok A$$hole, just go around me. I'm already doing 40 over the limit, and I'm not speeding up. Stupid tailgater..... With your stupid flashing lights

   If at first you don't succeed, then you ain't me mot her fu cker.

   If you ask what I'm thinking my answer will either be so offensive you'll never ask again, or so entertaining you'll ask again minutes later.

   I'm going to drink so much that I find that pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.

   If nobody is talking about you, you must not be a very interesting person.