Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hoppy Easter Everybunny

   Are you a math problem because you are confusing me and making me cry

   Why can't someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?

   I feel bad for whoever has to explain the Harlem Shake to Jesus!

   Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

   Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.

   when ur boss calls you while ur having surgery to ask a stupid f ucking question, he's clearly a J EW who's going to h ell

   If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I'll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark

   HE HAS RISEN (and before 10 am which is pretty good for me)

   Most popular words spoken by a Pastor today..."Wow ...I haven't seen you since last Easter "

   "Today its Sunday" Forward this to 15 friends,.. within 7 days you"ll get another Sunday. it really works... One of my friends ignored it and he got Monday within 24 hours

   I've been writing bad Czechs, encouraging them to do better.

   war machines will cause the destruction of man. Not a comet. I wonder what the next species that inhabits the Earth will discuss while filling their vehicles with the fossil fuels derived from the remains of extinct humans.

   Today is another dsy where people get religious om Facebook but live like heathens most all the other time...

   imagine how hard life would be if we weren't water proof

   So what happened this morning, did Jesus see his shadow or not?

   March Madness??? Heck, I'm Crazy All Year!!!

   How she gonna wake up and not love me no more? I thought I was the ass-hole in this relationship, I guess its rubbing off.

   How many times do you need the same person to piss in your mouth before you figure out urine doesn’t taste good?

   Men don't grow up, they just hide their stupidity.