Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I could change one thing I did in 2021, I would change not spending the night, in the streets of Dallas, to wait for the resurrection of JFK Jr.

   My son came running back from school waving a paper in his hand. Daddy, Daddy. Look! I got a B in my reading test! That’s a D you idiot.

   I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life... Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

   I never knew Masklophobia existed until I encountered 2021.

   OK. We are going into a new year. Be good and dont touch anything..

   You had me at hello. You lost me at your wearing a mask in your car pulling into my driveway.

   A study has shown that if you put lard on your head every day you will grradually grow taller. Crisco does not have the same effect because it's shortening.

   Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a much better legal defense.

   I kinda wish the world was flat. That way I could just push off the people I don't like.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   Now I realize why some people loves the uneducated people.

   You know how old I am? It used to be normal to order something and have to wait six to eight weeks to get it.

   I've just realized that this growing old thing , ain't for woossies

   Egg Nog gives head.

   Meery Kressmiss everyone, from the bottom of my gold-digging, porn star heart.

   Well, the people outside are frightful. And the traffic, is far from delightful. (blocking the intersection) since they got no place to go. people blow people blow people blow...

   Test driving a new Lexus, put a red bow on it & pulling into random people's driveways honking.

   My new girlfriend told me that her entire apartment was full of Monkees memorobilia. I thought she was exaggerating, but then I saw her place.

   My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge raclst, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was bIack - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

   @XplodingUnicorn If a woman expects you to open the door for her, it’s a massive red flag. Never date a girl who doesn’t know how to work a knob.