Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against some other guy while I'm out at work just trying to provide for us?

   Just ate my toothbrush to clean those hard-to-reach places.

   A great white shark is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score.

   If you love her then you should hold her hand in public because women need to be lead around by a man or they will have no clue what to do.

   It ain't rocket science folks, women LOVE douchebags.

   i still don't understand how coffee dehydrates you when it's madewith

   You may look physically better than I do, but GRACE is d Reason Why I ALWAYS Get what you wish you had!

   I'm sorry, but I can't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth, I don't speak Bone Thugz N Harmony.

   Unless you want to have ugly kids, never marry a girl for her inner beauty.

   Internet searches get you many results, most are different and leaves one more confused than before the search. As a source for answers, the much lauded "Super Information Highway" has become the "Road To Nowhere".

   War with North Korea looming. Cast of M*A*S*H have their fingers crossed

   So any1 else think our's is the only nation involved every year in a war since inception? Wow! Coincidence? Or blood thirst.?

   Most haters are stuck in a poisonous mental prison of jelousy and self doubt that blinds them to their own potential.

   And with the official start of baseball season today, the Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs.

   You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. You can, however, make a pretty decent ham wallet.

   A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!

   Every sentence is a sexual innuendo if you think long and hard about it.

   Why deny yourself a pleasure now for the hope of adding a few miserable nursing home days at the end?

   Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

   This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.