bego Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?

   BREAKING NEWS: Dora the Explorer suffers a heart attack after discovering Google Maps.

   If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success.

   Instagram says it now can sell your pics without your permission. Good luck making money with pictures of Cups of coffee, Cupcakes & clouds.

   How many Mexicans does it take to build a.........oh shi*, they're done.

   The strongest drug that exists for a human is another human being.

   If I don't get enough sleep, I'm tired. If I get too much, I'm tired. And even if I get the right amount, I still need three pots of coffee.

   Don't ignore my texts, I know you check your phone 24/7.

   My girlfriend wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an I'm asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we're not as connected as she'd like. I

   Think women are the weaker sex? Try pulling the blankets back to your side.

   Nothing makes me happier at work than walking into the bathroom and all the stalls are empty.

   Who remembers the 3 eyed monkey at the end of Jimmy Neutron that would say "Hi, I'm Paul!"

   I swear 2012 lasted for like 3 months.

   I told everybody at work that I've got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.

   Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : “In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless bi%ch. Details at 11″.

   So let me get this straight. A woman who has fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, buttocks, as well as a fake tan also has the nerve to ask for a real man?

   Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.

   My favorite color is Nutella.

   I have to take a dump, but my iPhone battery life is at 5%

   i gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me