LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away.

   ..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

   ..lost £50 on the Super Bowl. That's the last time I bet on a horse.

   John Terry explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

   When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered. Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"

   Facebook isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble

   ..to me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.

   How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

   A pat on the back is just a few centimeters away from a kick in the ass.

   Kentucky man wins 128 million dollar lottery. Says he will share winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman!

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.

   Disney World : A people's trap operated by a mouse.

   ..thinks you look fabulous! Who did it and how much?

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   You may attract more flies with honey. But you also attract bears. And those things can rip you to shreds!

   Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.

   ..is working on her bad intentions since the road to Hell is paved with good ones.