Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 261 of 6383
My dog just looked at me and sighed. He has to stop hanging out with my wife.
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05-24-2021 08:09
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It’s very funny to me that in The Wizard of Oz Glinda is like “only bad witches are ugly” five seconds after asking Dorothy if she’s a good witch or a bad witch.
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05-24-2021 08:06
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I still giggle when I get in an Elevator and someone asks me “Going Down? ” as I am so tempted to say to them “Buy me dinner first”.
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05-24-2021 08:06
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My neighbor’s dogs are named Calvin and Klein. They’re boxers.
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05-24-2021 08:05
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Interesting Fact: Tuesday Weld was not named after the second day of the week. Because if she was, her name would be "Monday Weld."
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05-23-2021 14:36
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I'm surprised McAfee & Norton didn't get a piece of the vaccine action.
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05-23-2021 14:16 by Saw-Jaw
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Fred Flintstone: Hey, was that an insult? Gazoo: Well, if the shoe fits... Barney Rubble: What's a shoe?
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05-23-2021 02:06
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I'm not sure who needs to hear this but Walmart sells Father's Day cards in packs of five.
China claims covid came from an old bat, but Pelosi denies being involved.
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05-21-2021 20:30 by Jen
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Believe in yourselves and follow your hearts and you could do and be anyone you want to be, except Keith Richards.
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05-21-2021 15:46 by Moon
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Kisses are like real estate …. Location Location Location
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05-21-2021 08:21
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How do you delete Facebook? I’m not talking about my account I mean the entire thing.
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05-21-2021 08:18
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Who called it a hive for bees to live and not a site to beehold?
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05-21-2021 07:48
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I’m looking for a home with huge yard, tall privacy fence and a couple of sheds preferably one with a freezer that can hold two or three. –me on house hunters
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05-21-2021 07:48
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My brain is like a greenhouse, it has a terrible groundskeeper.
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05-21-2021 07:47
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"The sum of the carrots are inversely proportional to the squared exponent of the cabbage divided by the vinegar and multiplied by the mayonnaise." ~Cole's Law
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05-20-2021 20:48 by Fazzy
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Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
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05-20-2021 17:24 by Matt
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They should make an alarm clock that plays the sound of my dog about to throw up.
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05-20-2021 08:46
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I’m at the age where, whenever I think of my age, I think, “I should go lie down.”
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05-20-2021 07:41
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OK. Who is the genius who decided to call it an internet girlfriend and not eBae?
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05-19-2021 20:40
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