santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Will World War III begin before or after Christmas? Because I don't want to buy presents for nothing.

   My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.

   I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays

   When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"

   Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit as your Halloween

   Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-

   Last year I asked santa for the sexiest person ever and I woke up in a box

   Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.

   Retail Stores: "It's September 1st! Time to put out all the Christmas crap...."

   Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%

   I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box

   Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

   Dear Santa, Don't bring me anything this year as I've got every thing I need. Tyrone, aged 7 from Baltimore

   [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   Psst...if you wanna have a Christmas Baby...tonight is the night.

   Now showing exclusively in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Chelsea and Key West. 50 shades of g ay.

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   You people can keep blaming your weight/waist or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself or others. I was fat in August!

   Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.