santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   Psst...if you wanna have a Christmas Baby...tonight is the night.

   Now showing exclusively in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Chelsea and Key West. 50 shades of g ay.

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   You people can keep blaming your weight/waist or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself or others. I was fat in August!

   Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.

   Stop blaming the holidays....you were fat in August!

   All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?

   Now that Christmas shopping and madness is over, I'm expecting applications for potential girlfriends...

   The Christmas Day hacking of Playstation Network and Xbox Live forced gamers offline and kids to sit with their families for Christmas instead of locking themselves in their rooms. This had girlfriends, wives, and mothers whispering, "It's a Christmas Mi

   Justin Bieber Got a Freaking Jet for Christmas proving that there is no God or justice in this world we live in.

   It's tough watching Charlie Brown's Christmas with my dog because both us know he's never won a lights display contest...

   I didn't have any girl to spoil for Christmas this year so my bank balance is looking healthy.

   Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

   Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

   I start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, i'll be seeing six or seven.

   Every time someone uses Xmas instead of Christmas a kitten gets punched in the balls.

   Whoever made up the saying "It's the thought that counts" never got a pair ofcrocs for Christmas.

   I think I'd rather be waterboarded than have to hear one more Xmas song.