Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   What doesn't kill you leaves you feeling rejected and wondering why you weren't good enough for death.

   When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That's why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.

   Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience.

   Procrastination is a dish best served some other time.

   You're either with me or a murder victim.

   My timeline hates your drama.

   I asked my wife for advice once. Worst three days of my life.

   Sometimes I look at all this cool stuff I own and realise that I probably wouldn't have any of it if I was married.

   Booze is cheaper than therapy, and it doesn't keep asking, “and how did that make you feel?”

   Today is full of possibilities and I have a strong feeling none of them are mine.

   Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.

   I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.

   My brain will dispose of you in a split second, my heart on the other hand will hold on like a hoarder.

   I fell in love today. So what have you guys done to ruin your day?

   Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!

   If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now.

   The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years.

   I thought I had a real feeling today. Turned out I was just sober.

   I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver.

   If you see a prisoner or a married man asleep, do not wake him perhaps he is dreaming of freedom.