Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some of you are so dumb, I don't even know how you found the internet.

   Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in prison

   "We support gay marriages!!" Signed, wedding planners and divorce lawyers.

   *christopher walken giving tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unnecessary pause* for walken

   first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club

   I willing to bet all those students with sick student loans weren't business majors...

   it is very hard to defend Nigerians as druglords with that big WHITE line on their national flag.

   Paula Deen at home watching the Trayvon Martin case just licking the white part out of Oreos then stepping on the black parts

   How Am I suppost to keep up this "Dreamy Hair",,, With wind's like this? LOL!

   Many guys think all women are crazy. That's not true. If they knew one well enough, they wouldn't think that anymore. They'd know it first hand.

   The best things in life make no sense.

   after a facebook arguement with you, I delete everything I wrote so as to make you look like a crazy stalker

   The D matters very little if you can't give her the O.

   The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.

   Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!..

   You can't say you support gay marriages without being gay yourself. You are just a closet gay in serious denial.

   I wish people could listen to me when I say listening is just a waste of time

   Eminem made a better Superman than Nolan.

   I remember yesterday like it was......................what is today's date again?

   think I'm going to start plagiarizing myself.....wonder if I will get caught.