Funny Status Messages

   Every dang time I'm about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up. .

   Bikers: Representing the 3rd guy from the left on the evolutionary chart throughout modern history.

   I know not with what weapons WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones.

   Gas prices have got everybody driving they're on probation: Straight to work and then strait home.

   you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?

   My generation had Wonder Woman. Your generation has to Wonder if it's a Woman.

   I was told this is where you order Door Dash.....SMH.....

   Hey gurl, are you a public school? Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of little kids inside you.

   I would like to have sex with the first woman I ever had sex with just to show her how much better I am now. I'd be like, "Hell yeah baby, look who doesn't cry during sex anymore!"

   I learned that just because you wake up naked in your back yard after a full moon and don't remember anything it doesn't mean you're a werewolf!

   Expecting truth from corporate media is like expecting love from a prostitute. That’s not why they exist.

   Global Warming is a fictional manufactured crisis and a total scam.

   I’ve spent more time in Facebook Jail than they gave Smollett.

   Between the price of ammo, gas and lumber, being a Redneck is getting expensive.

   4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum. The 5th one recommends wax lips.

   how do you tell the difference between a gator & a croc? gator is a mask while croc is a shoe

   Last Reminder: It's St. Patrick's Day...take down your Christmas decorations.

   YOUR WALLET: the only place our government is willing to drill..

   My "Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog Roxy.

   I've always wondered if jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.