sean Funny Status Messages

   Why the outrage over Romney's misspelling of "America?" For gosh sake, his parents didn't know how to spell "Matt."

   Considering renting out my services to people who need awkward situations made awkwarder.

   Golf ball sized hail wouldn't be so destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.Do I have to think of everything?!

   It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.

   I gave my wife a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.

   How is the show "Deadliest Catch" not about AIDS?

   SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die.

   I've never seen more than 600 dollars worth of cars in a 7-Eleven parking lot.

   Yes, America's the fattest nation on earth but that means were also the funniest when falling off bicycles.

   My guidance councilor had a poster in his office of a kitten hanging from a tree that said "You should probably go ahead and kill yourself."

   I think it's pretty awesome to be overweight, because I can usually foil any trapdoor plans

   I will be the first rapper to rap about the troubles of programming a spare Garage Door Opener remote.

   I have a slight cold, so let me know if you need my address to send sympathy cards.

   The guy who invented "Take Your Child To Work Day" probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on the way to work.

   Nothing says you're out of shape like getting winded while vacuuming.

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.

   I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.

   Nicholas Cage is the Nickleback of actors.

   In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!