SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway.

   It bothers me that Jared from Subway has not yet been eaten by a grizzly bear.

   Just let me be a Hot Mess for One Hot Minute 'til I can find a new Hot Played-Out Idiom.

   I'm one of the premiere snugglers of my generation.

   I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.

   Awesome, if you tune in to the NFL Network right now they're showing how Madonna gets hoisted from her formaldehyde jar.

   StubHub should really be a place where single amputees meet.

   I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.

   If you have ever used one of those Hand Dryers in a bathroom, congratulations...you just did a portion of the Macarena.

   I'm glad my job isn't standing on the corner, spinning a sign, dressed up like the Statue of Liberty, while drivers make the jerk-off sign

   Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.

   Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.

   You should never care what other people think of you. Unless you're a dude who wears sandals.

   Does it count as naked if you're wearing a hat? I say yes.

   If Trump's hair sees its shadow NBC gets 6 more seasons of celebrities pretending to respect him.

   I'm finally rich! I have...Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystal in my kidneys, sugar in my blood, lead in my ass, iron in my arteries ans an inexhaustable supply of natural gas!

   Forget dude below me and the damn rodent. I'm predicting winter will last until March 20, 2012, at 1:14 A.M. (EDT)

   I would be so much cooler if…ah, who am I kidding?

   Groundhog Day is a good time for us to pause & reflect on how much I want Andie MacDowell to sit on my face & wiggle about.

   The handicap parking at the special olympics must be insane