LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   I have no problem giving credit where credit is due. It's giving payment where payment is due is where I struggle.

   They say children brighten up the household. That's because they never turn out the ilghts.

   Weekends are like rainbows: they look great from a distance but seem to disappear when you get close to them.

   Happy Birthday Eastenders! 25 years of bad acting and impossible storylines. And still we're hooked.

   ..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

   Everyone's days are numbered. It's called a calendar.

   They keep telling me that the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

   Got a call from my mum. She wanted help with her jigsaw puzzle. I said "Sure thing,just look at picture on the front of the box.". "Its not helping"she said. "Its just a stupid rooster!" "Mum,you daft cow" said. "Just put the cornflakes back in the box."

   I had the right to remain silent...but I didn't have the ability.

   Regardless of what my mom says, I'm pretty sure I would win a fight against a paper bag.

   I was just told that it takes three sheep to make one sweater. Wow. Thats shocking. I didnt know sheep could knit.

   I was asked if i'd volunteer for Comic Relief at work. All i'd have to do is wear funny clothes,answer the phone,write a few notes,chat and joke with others and eat junk food. Of course I said "Yes". Who wouldnt want to be like their boss for just one day

   I love to eat Bran Flakes in the morning. I guess i'm just a regular girl.

   Yo mamma so fat that when she lays on the beach, Green Peace try to push her back into the water.

   ..after watching the Brit Awards,thinks that Cheryl has got to try,try,try,try,try to lip sync a bit better..

   How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!". Shout "BINGO!".

   I dont care what they say. I think my third nipple is very attractive.

   "My wife had her driving test today. She got 8 out of 10. The other two guys jumped clear." Rodney Dangerfield.

   An unemployed clown is nobody's fool.

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."