doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I need a pity pity bang bang

   I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?

   I bet most braille on public signs says: "How did you know this was here?"

   Once I get my paycheck I turn into Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings'.

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   Saw the new commercial again and I wont lie, I like that new brown M&M character. Now we know what it would look like if Urkel and Precious had a baby together

   My superpower is turning tequila into tears.

   Instead of calling it a "Gatorade Shower" we should call it "Electrolyte Bukkake"

   Thank you Charlotte for bringing all the farm animals together by being the first ever Social Network "Web" Designer.

   Okay, Bee Gees, I'll bite. What qualifies as "more than a woman"?

   When I think of you, I dont think of tomrow, I think of forever.

   People that say the last word in this sentence is my bugaboo.

   Just walked into the kitchen and a broom fell towards me. I yelled "ah!" and pushed it away. Bring it on ninjas!

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   Face down A55 up, thats the way I select donuts at Dunkin Donuts

   ESPN just reported that their kicker just tried to hang himself, luckly he could not even kick the chair out from under himself.

   I hope I never get renal failure. I've really come to enjoy having a functioning renus.

   If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a drunk white woman having her picture taken in the club.

   You've gotta admit, cuddling with a giant panda would ALMOST be worth getting your face ripped off.