Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My real superpower is guessing the weight of your emotional baggage.... HINT: It's more than you think

   Some of you people are great.... Others should be towed a safe distance and blown up as precaution.

   Oh yeah, well this girl I know had her baby shower in the rec room in the projects. I wish it was a joke to, but it is not... lol

   The difference between Republican and Democrat is the difference between Gonorrhea and syphilis ..ENJOY !!!

   The Director of Obamacare just asked for FEMA assistance...

   I tried Obama's 1-800 number...... It's is a disaster too. Your best bet is to stuff an ObamaCare application into a bottle and throw it in the ocean.

   Today Facebook was down, so I had to actually talk to my people that didn't live in my computer... I haven't done that in a few years, hope I don't get sick!

   You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east...

   My dream car is a food truck.

   Once was a man named BARACK, EVERYTHING he said was a CROCK, He talked with a SMILE as he LIED all the while...."OBAMACARE'S Great! Ask your DOC"

   I'm available if you wanna dance with somebody or wanna feel the heat with somebody... just sayin.

   Technically speaking, a Twinkie is a sandwich, right??

   Everyone grows old but not everyone grows up.

   This girl I know is having a baby shower at McDonallds hahahahah this isn't a joke....I wish it was but it's not

   Facebook must be prepping for upgrade, the new one will suck you in faster than a Hoover vac held by a prisoner who hasn't seen a woman in 20 years!

   Sometimes, life is like a jar of jalapenos.... What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

   My Facebook wasn't working this morning, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people....

   Every Colt grows up to be a Bronco

   "What's your pet hate?",.. "Well he doesn't like it when I stick my finger up his arse!"

   On a scale of 1 to 69, how bad do you want me?