santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   I'm too tired to stay awake and watch... It feels like this U.S. Election night is Christmas Eve, and America's worried Santa might leave coal and sticks instead of presents in the morning.

   I think Christmas must be near, The bin man said good morning to me.

   I take all my Christmas pictures a couple months early before I put on all the serious weight.

   I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.

   If my extension cord ever gets tangled with my ear buds and Christmas lights, I’m really screwed.

   Surgeon General's Warning To Parents: When your kids are old enough to buy their own birthday presents for you, the gifts get really, really crappy.

   I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones.

   The More You Know: Jesus loved trees not cake, that's why on Dec 25th we have Christmas Trees.

   If Santa Claus had a FB account,,,, none of us would get presents.

   Only 4 more months until Ryan Lochte comes down the chimney and brings us all presents.

   The night before the 1st day of school is just like Christmas Eve for parents

   Snorted 2 lines of pre-workout powder and now my apartment is decorated for Christmas..

   Woke up this morning with a song in my heart. Sadly, that song was "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".

   It’s Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas.

   Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.

   It's never too early to get life size cardboard cuts-outs of yourself made up for this year's Christmas presents.

   I bet Jesus hates it that his birthday and Christmas are on the same day.

   People who say "May the 4th be with you" are the same people who say "see you next year" at the employee Christmas party.

   .... Told the wife that next long weekend I'm gonna actually get off the couch and take those Christmas lights down. Unless I see a spider then the whole things off.