santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Woke up this morning with a song in my heart. Sadly, that song was "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".

   It’s Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas.

   Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.

   It's never too early to get life size cardboard cuts-outs of yourself made up for this year's Christmas presents.

   I bet Jesus hates it that his birthday and Christmas are on the same day.

   People who say "May the 4th be with you" are the same people who say "see you next year" at the employee Christmas party.

   .... Told the wife that next long weekend I'm gonna actually get off the couch and take those Christmas lights down. Unless I see a spider then the whole things off.

   To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

   Coffee Shop Sign: Unattended children will be given double espressos and made wild promises about what Santa is bringing them.

   So, how is everybody enjoying the air guitars I sent them for Christmas?

   Well Christmas tree if finally out of the house, And back on my rear view mirror .

   To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas gift.... 📕📗 They are due back at the library today. 😂😂😂

   Am I the only person who feels like Christmas didn't even happen?

   Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let's get this thing done.

   Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.

   I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.

   athiests are awful quite Xmas morning

   I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus; then I saw her helping him empty his sack.

   Santa came down the chimney, at half past three. W

   As much as Santa came last night I bet he will sleep for a week