bego Funny Status Messages

   Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.

   Let's have a round of applause for the heroes that they think they can save all the cancer-ridden children by liking and sharing those Facebook statuses.

   Attractive girls are always the most insecure. While these Shrek looking bit$hes, walk around thinking their the s$it.

   Ghost hunters: "Can you communicate with us?" *Door creeks* Ghost hunters: "Oh so your name is William?"

   My “we had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow just to get to school” story will be about taking 4 hours to download an mp3 with a 28k modem in 1995.

   I’ve been having this weird feeling all day, the only way I know how to describe it is: you know when you switch on a switch and nothing happens? That.

   It must suck to be Spanish speaking person who doesn’t understand the English phrase “If you’d like to continue in Spanish…”

   Real friendship is lending your Facebook so they can stalk their ex.

   There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.

   Every time I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the damn lock.

   I blame movies for my high expectations in relationships.

   Nothing’s forever. Forever’s a lie. All we have is what’s between hello and goodbye.

   Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is like Taylor Swift giving relationship advice.

   I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.

   The problem with some people is that they’re alive.

   The ultimate question... is Petsmart supposed to be "Pet smart" or "Pets mart"?

   The older I get, the more I come to realize that I just don't care what the hell anyone thinks anymore.

   Women want someone that looks good on their arm, holds all their crap, and compliments their shoes. Basically men are just purses.

   Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one had insurance. Don’t kill him.”

   Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.