Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

   Morning without coffee is like sleep.

   Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.

   Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.

   Keep smiling. But not to the point where people begin to think you're mentally unbalanced.

   My laziness is becoming such a issue that I can't even be bothered hanging my clothes on my treadmill anymore

   When I said "I wanted to be held" I didn't mean "by the Authorities".

   If you need space then work at NASA.

   Naomi Campbell should take up golf because she's really good at hitting the driver.

   March 4th. I like today's date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.

   Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!

   Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

   My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.

   I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.

   Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then pray for crop failure on Sunday.

   I smile because I don't know what's going on.

   I bet curling atheletes have dirty houses. When they get home,they must think "Screw this. I do enough sweeping at work!"