LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   Morning without coffee is like sleep.

   Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.

   Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.

   Keep smiling. But not to the point where people begin to think you're mentally unbalanced.

   My laziness is becoming such a issue that I can't even be bothered hanging my clothes on my treadmill anymore

   When I said "I wanted to be held" I didn't mean "by the Authorities".

   If you need space then work at NASA.

   Naomi Campbell should take up golf because she's really good at hitting the driver.

   March 4th. I like today's date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.

   Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!

   Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

   My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.

   I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.

   Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then pray for crop failure on Sunday.

   I smile because I don't know what's going on.

   I bet curling atheletes have dirty houses. When they get home,they must think "Screw this. I do enough sweeping at work!"

   I should really stop confusing sign language for kung-fu.