Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I've had pizza boxes stay in my life longer than some women.

   In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.

   If you're single and you know it hug your cat!

   I tried ordering one of Justin Bieber's CDs for my niece's birthday on Amazon. Amazon said "costumers who bought this also bought a rope and a stool."

   I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.

   Saw a bird crap on a Smart car. Totaled it.

   My superpower is common decency.

   For a rock only found in a planet that was destroyed, Superman must wonder where all his enemies keep finding kryptonite

   Dad, when I grow up I want to join Twitter. Sorry son. You can't do both.

   It's a good week to get an Oscar but not a good week to be an Oscar.

   Coffee to me is what a wand is to Harry Potter.

   I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.

   Why are you all so excited it's Friday? Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

   She tried keeping up with the Kardashians, but now it burns when she pees.

   Satan has introduced many awful things to mankind like herpes and aids, but I'd say one of his worst has got to be The Gangnam Style.

   If only plastic surgeons also sold class.

   Relax. You’re not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; we’re boozers, boozers go to parties.

   Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.

   Opinions are like as sholes. I only listen to mine.

   Sean Connery's dog must get so confused when he yells for it to sit.