Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.

   Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody's pants.

   Necrophilia, lay back and crack open a cold one.

   Highway slumber party tonight in Atlanta, free urinal and feces bucket..

   Atlanta gets 2ins of snow and the city is parlized, in Canada we call 2in of snow summer.

   my gf broke up with me yesterday, her husband insisted.

   We'll take Justin Bieber... Roman Catholic Church Priest Diocese.

   We don't want Justin Bieber either...... Canada!

   Charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber BFF'S

   Love fades with time, shape, weight, looks and bank balance.

   You're not totally useless, you can be used as a bad example for frightening others.

   Have you ever walked into a room after a gay 0rgy? That's how your breath smells in the morning

   I stared into the abyss and the abyss was like, "Uh my eyes are up here!"

   I bet a tough part of fielding calls at a poison control center is not finishing most of your sentences with "...you unbelievable moron."

   My favorite yoga pose is mouthward facing pie.

   If Hilary gets elected President, she'll be the biggest prez since Taft!!

   I bet valet parking would make you rich in Atlanta Ga right now!

   Ok Northerners, stop criticizing how we handle snow & ice. It is very rare down here. You know kinda like winning a BCS National Championship up there

   Due to the recent out break of Norovirus. Royal Caribbean will be changing ships name to Exploader of the Sea.

   Atlanta is being held up by Winterstorm De'Andre LaQuocious Roosevelt III.