santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa: This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body ... And please don't get it backwards like you did last year!!!

   Yup.... No matter how old you are .... an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube will always become a Star Wars light saber.

   The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.

   If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.

   Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes

   All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.

   SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   ....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.

   ...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫

   Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.

   I think it's time I go outside and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   Christmas - The time of year when you can get the whole dysfunctional family together under one roof!

   The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"

   This Christmas you can either join the Mile High club or the less prestigious Rock Bottom club, having sex on a Greyhound bus. If that's not rock bottom, I don't know what is.

   My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!

   Be honest....has ANYONE ever eaten the Fruit Cake they got for Christmas?

   To any of my single Lady friends, if your wish to have me naked for Christmas, private message me. Thanks.

   if I Really tell Santa what I want for Christmas, Then I will definitely be on his naughty list ...