Huck Funny Status Messages

   I'd rather lose an eye than show an old person how to use a computer.

   Worst thing about strip clubs is the women totally hog the poles. Maybe I'm really good! At least give me a turn.

   I got recognized once. It was at my friend's house. He was all, "Hey, you really should call first." So cool.

   On the weekends, I'm a Cupcake War reenactor.

   I'm just a boy. In love with a girl. Standing here quietly. Behind your shower curtain. Watching.

   I am the undefeated champion of this"smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don't-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day" game

   Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider's web.

   Got up at 6am. Did yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.

   I bet if my favorite rock stars saw how hard I rock out & jam to their music they would say "I want to hang out with that dude forever."

   Sitting at a crossroad, strange I don't see Bones, Thug or Harmony

   Across this country right now, college marching bands are practicing call me maybe in time for the kickoff of college football.

   I'm a card carrying member of Card Carriers. I'd show you my card but my hands are full of cards.

   You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can't conjugate verbs.

   Helpful hint: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.

   Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it

   You'd think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it's a guy in a costume every time.

   Cats are so disgusting it makes them puke.

   I had to take a lie detector test at a job interview once. No I didn't.

   Happy birthday to Sir Mix-A-Lot! People forget how persecuted big butts were before he wrote that song.

   In a bizarre turn of events, erectile dysfunction cases are on the rise.