zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   Alcohol is the worst thing in the world... My friend had a lot last night and ended up saying - "I love you" to his Own Wife !!!

   What's the difference between a joke and three c**ks? The girl we met last night couldn't take a joke.

   My c**k was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.

   You can't say happiness without saying penis. Coincidence ? I think NOT...

   I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife.

   Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children “Torn condoms”?

   Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams. However, Tess was reluctant to take on his surname.

   I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off by just lying in bed clapping my hands. I never really thought that one through... Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.

   Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she said, "Remember, you have a wife."

   A cure has been found for homosexuality. Lip balm - you rub it on your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away.

   I saved my girlfriends phone number as 'LOW BATTERY'. Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.

   My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it's either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke..... in which I talk about having a wife.

   My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn. I told her, I love my car but I still watch NASCAR

   People say drinking milk makes you stronger. I drunk 5 glasses of milk and tried to move a wall. It didn't work. Then, I drank 5 glasses of vodka and the wall moved alone!!

   Expecting your guy to be romantic all the time is like expecting you to behave like a porn star all the time.

   I can't even explain how my blow up doll makes me feel before sex. She really takes my breath away.

   "Give It To Me" She Screamed, "I'm getting Wet, Give It To Me Now".... "Screw Off" I replied "This Is My Umbrella"

   A wife tattooed "I LOVE U" on her nipples and showed it to her husband. He replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth! "

   Michael Jackson didn't die. He simply completed his course of plastic surgery in 2009, turned into a young gay white boy & renamed himself Justin Bieber...

   Marriage is a workshop.........The husband works & The wife shops