oregon Funny Status Messages

   I always start my day off with SNAP, CRACKLE, POP

   Are you worried your not getting any phone calls? #1 Place cell Phone on silent. #2 Wait about 1 hour you should get at least 10 missed calls. #3 For the heck of it now turn volume to loudest

   When it's raining I don't work, when its sunny I don't work, when its cloudy I call in sick!

   Woke up this morning from a dream I was flying. Late to work kind of wished that whole flying thing was true

   In Florida where you literally get a grave built-in to your house...

   What is up with all these Government drones? I can't even fly a freaking kite anymore.

   Subway is not the only one being sued for lying about their length......

   Unemployment is up but so are Michelle Obama's BANGS.....

   Has anyone attempted "The Drive Thru" in reverse??

   Roses are red, violets are blue... How much do your facebook friends know about you?

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report because I already have a inferiority complex.

   What happened in 2012 stays in 2012...

   Can they make band aids that are easier and faster to unpack so I don't bleed to death?

   It's beginning to look a lot like 80s on my ATARI 7800 system

   Dear Santa, Do not eat any cookies from Colorado and Washington this year.. May cause drowsiness.

   Dear Department Store Bathroom Cleaner: Please use less WAX. When I go to the bathroom I am really not in the mood for doing the splits......

   I went to the store to buy a Hallmark card that says " So sorry you are unemployed and homeless" I am crossing my fingers that you get your house back, sue the bank and never have to work again.

   Now that a billonaire in Mexico is going to buy out Hostess the twinkie will come in 3 flavors. Hot, Medium and mild.

   Big bird is now out of "WITNESS PROTECTION"

   Stopped by the apple store to see if they have a better phone than the Samsung Galaxy S3......ilaughed