mike Funny Status Messages

   Watching Fox News, but for some reason I can't figure out why Obama would shut down a bridge?

   I wish I could say it"s nice to see Michael Bolton working again, but it's really not. Thanks Honda.

   ou know what material this is?" [Grab your shirt] "Boyfriend material"

   The bad thing about aging is that sooner or later, "bust a move" turns into "bust a hip."

   I trained a raccoon to play dead in the front yard...Okay, I hit him with the truck but the end result is the same thing.

   If the government shuts down, does that mean all of the politicians have to get real jobs?

   My crash diet just crashed face first into a bacon double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.

   Studies conclude that labs cause cancer in rats.

   Do you think the fact that gorillas have big nostrils and big fingers are related in any way?

   I hope Manti's girlfriend likes San Diego.

   Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."

   Dennis Rodman now has more international relations experience than most of Congress. Let that sink in for a minute.

   So, which Pope is your favorite going into the combine?

   Never text your wife and your gal pal at the same time...one misplaced "love you" can confuse everything

   JUST ANNOUNCED: The Pope is resigning at the end of the month. Sounds a little Joe Paterno-ish to me.

   So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day. If your life is really that bad, you should probably do something about it. No, whining on Facebook is not considered "something."

   Today, I heard on the radio that Lucasfilm was working on a movie featuring Yoda. Can you imagine writing 90 minutes of dialog for Yoda? Insane the writers will be going.

   Ha ha, my dog ate one of my diuretics and is now pissing a circle around the neighbor's Corvette ...pretty sure this means that is now his car.

   my opinion on forced birth control has changed after watching one episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   I consider any gun that is pointed at me and fired with the intent to harm me to be an assault weapon.