hovo Funny Status Messages

   The iPhone- checks my facebook, checks my email, organizes my music, calls my Mom, and now it tracks my whereabouts? It's like having a jealous psycho girlfriend in your pocket.

   You know you're high when you look in the mirror ..and your reflection is Charlie Sheen!

   I was just thinking, what if car bumpers were filled with candy so if you got in a car crash, it would explode like a piñata. " Sorry 'bout the crash, but look free candy!!!"

   I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my tree house

   Drunk sayings = Sober thoughts

   Hey I like how you do your makeup! Really? Thanks :) Ya do you just dip your face in or use a brush?

   Dude!!! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you.... And me

   The test of Love is not how long it survives, but how it renews itself with each passing day.

   Men are a lot like shopping carts, when you finally find one without a screwed up wheel, it already has a wife pushing it around.

   This unicorn sitting next to me is saying that I drank too much.

   life is all bout ass... you're either kissing it, behaving like it, covering it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.

   ( o )( o ) - oh what a nice pair of frog eyes! what were you thinking of?

   "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger this afternoon and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."

   Went to this mexican restaurant for dinner ... It had pronounciations of each item ... Nachos (Na-choos) Buritto (Bur-ee-toe) Taco (Ta-Koe), never laughed so hard in my life! Side note: It was attached to a bowling alley ... awesome

   At what age is it approiate to tell my dog he's addopted?

   Darth Vader vs Hitler Epic rap battle in history 2, on utube

   When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

   Sorry hun, but unlike you, I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn. I'm more of a casino where only the lucky ones hit the jackpot.

   If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people.

   The awkward moment when you realize your whole life has been a lie this whole time