djjackson Funny Status Messages

   I went to the bank today. I saw a man with a mask and gloves come in and thank God he was just there to rob the place.

   I got a case of corona from walmart and I never felt better!

   Looks like I’m going to have to buy toilet paper. That brush next to the toilet hurts.

   A priest rabbi and a nun walk into a ...Nevermind. Bars closed.

   There's been a major recall on Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Bring them to my house so I can dispose of them properly.

   I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself... I really need to wash some mugs.

   If you grew up playing “lawn darts” with your siblings, your parents had too many kids and were trying to thin the herd.

   I went to KFC yesterday and when I was done licking my fingers, I offered to lick other peoples fingers. Long story short. I need bail money.

   When I was younger I wanted to play guitar really badly. And after lots of hard work and practice, I now play the guitar really badly.

   Goo Goo Dolls are opening for Lady Gaga. Fans are sure to go Goo Goo Gaga over it.

   I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.

   United Airlines just released their new frequent flyer app. Easy to use, too. It's all drag and drop.