david Funny Status Messages

   I fractured my @ss today doing a cannonball into the bathtub today...

   whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously has never sold weed

   I'm going to try and say this te nicest way possible. wait I better hold my tounge when I say .... "FQ!"

   From now on every time I see a "for lease" sign, I will put a "navidad" sign under it

   with out me awesome would just be awes

   My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter

   The strangest of all bipolar disorders and birth defects is an inability to see things my way...

   The first joint I hit I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first hit," said Grandpa. "Try another hit." And you know, he was right!

   I'm doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve multi orgazims. Don't worry if you can't come! For those of you that will come...Sign the guest, list below!

   Some people around me are alive because I can't afford a hitman....!

   Tsunami? Wild Fires? Tornadoes? Hurricanes? Earthquakes?...I thought we had til 2012?

   on a (̅_̅_̅(̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅(̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅b̲̅o̲̅r̲̅o̲̅̅ ̅_̅_̅()ڪے break !!

   Falling In Love With You Is The Second Best Thing I Have Done .. Finding You Is The First ♥ ..

   A true friend sees the first tear... catches the second... and stops the third

   i guess if you got the last name weiner, you better advertise it!

   I truly don't understand the needs for ladies 70 and above to bath in their perfume, unless their trying to kill their husband.

   Hey Prince William, I'mma let you finish and all, but we had the most historic event OF ALL TIME.

   You give that porn actress an award?, she sucks! Nevermind....

   If you are late to special ed is it proper for the teacher to say that you are tardy?

   throwing the new MySpace Profile out with the trash where it belongs :)