bfinest Funny Status Messages

   The further you stay from me the longer it takes me to reply to your text.

   I'm all for abstinence to prevent teen pregnancies and all...But I really do believe that if I would've gotten laid when I was in High School my grades would've been alot better.

   Kanye West should be coming out with ''Gold Digger'' part 2 anytime now...

   The days when men knew how to treat women were the days when women knew their place.

   ''Plus size'' Woman = Beautiful...."Plus size'' Man= Fat ass

   My ideal location to propose would be The Grand Canyon Skywalk...that way if she says "No'' I'll just push her over the bridge.

   If you didn't want me to do you then why were you saggin your pants?-Inmate 2541

   I ShlT you not, Someone just asked me to be a standup comedian for their kid's graduation party.

   Actually, I can believe it's not butter...

   I'd sure like to "Up" a "Ton'' of something in Kate Upton.

   While most of you will be at the theaters watching The Avengers tonight I will be in the confines of my own home watch The Avengers XXX which is a slightly different version of The Avengers

   No doesn't mean no. No means work on the neck, the nipples try back in five minutes.-Daniel Tosh

   "The Lucky One"?, More like the unlucky one's who get dragged to that movie by their gf or spouse.

   Fact:There will never be a movie or book called '' ''Think'' Like a Woman".

   Zimmerman's new lawyer has issued a statement stating that ''Mr.Zimmerman said that he is sorry for shooting and Killing Trayvon Martin and that it won't happen again''.

   George Zimmerman has become the new Waldo.

   Who the hell watches Ellen Degeneres? she's almost as funny as the death of an immediate family member.

   it me or does the pope look like a super villian?

   I don't understand why Aardvarks are so special to the Muslims in the middle east.

   Women are actually the biggest A$$holes.First they call you a ''Player" if you speak to other women then if you don't you're not a 'challenge and they call you "boring''.