abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.

   This vodka diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

   It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.

   At work, when you don't know what to do, just walk fast and look worried.

   "Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.

   plan for the day. 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2.figure the rest out later

   When did "wear something green" turn into "dress like an idiot?"

   Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad.

   I found the key to success...however, I found a note from success's landlord saying that the locks have been changed.

   Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.

   My lady asked me if we could go out to somewhere expensive the other night, so I took her to the gas station.

   A stark reminder that we're just guests on this planet.

   If the world is gonna end, I've got to start spending money faster. Anyone up for a party?

   We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.

   It's a hard thing not to trust the earth beneath your feet.

   I have life moments when all I can do is stop and say "Seriously?"

   If you think I talk too much, let me know. We can talk about it.

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   I don't have an attitude problem. I have an attitude that you have a problem with. Therefore, I just have an attitude!

   Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper.