Thejoke.cafe Funny Status Messages

   Kanye West is said to be recovering well in hospital after an 8 hour operation to remove his head from his ass.

   Kanye West 'hospitalised in Los Angeles'. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.

   Congratulations to Marijuana for winning more states than Hillary .

   Hillary and Trump are in a boat and it sinks. Who survives? I'd say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.

   Thank God the American Elections are over. Now the rest of the world can go back to hating their own politicians.

   ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

   Clinton vs Trump. Whoever wins, We lose.

   Sticker given to Trump supporters at the polls: "I Voted" Sticker given to Hillary supporters at the polls: "I Rigged"

   I heard a rumour Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary. It seems the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.

   I can't believe so many Americans from the Bible Belt plan to vote for Trump. If he gets to build his wall, he'll be keeping Jesus out of the country.

   What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?

   Cheer Up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.

   If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily.

   A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

   Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.

   When I was young at bedtimes my mum always told me a story with a happy ending. One of the benefits of having a mum from Thailand I suppose.

   I think Christmas must be near, The bin man said good morning to me.

   Do gun manuals have a "trouble shooting?" section?

   Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.

   For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I’m being stalked