Starman Funny Status Messages

   "If during your medical exam your doctor says I need to google this...... It's time to get a new doctor."

   When the judge told Mickey he couldn't grant his divorce from Minnie just because you say she crazy. Mickey said, I didn't say she crazy..... I said she's f***ing Goofy.

   "A trail of clothes leading up to a bedroom before marriage ment a night of pashionate love making. Now it means you dropped them on your way from the dryer.

   "It doesn't bother me that my wife goes out to play BINGO every night. It's the coming back home part that does.

   "I don't think I can get through a day without my middle finger."

   The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never smpathized more with women in my life.

   You know you're fat when you only need a cup of water in the tub when taking a bath.

   Just about all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as head of household.

   Here is a way to get rid of your unwanted junk. Pack it in an Amazon box, and place it on the porch.

   This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.

   Hey if you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.

   Selling homing pigeons is a lucrative, and well return business.

   Now days crappy guys only want one thing from a woman. Back in the old days, they wanted them to also do the dishes and keep house.