Snotty Funny Status Messages

   When Spock mind melds with Kirk they're collectively known as Spork.

   If you're not blowing chunks of wedding cake out of your nose for 3 days after the wedding, ,, are you even technically married?

   I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded... Track number 5 will blow your mind.

   Steve Miller.. "Some call me the gangster of love"..... Steve Miller`so band... "Ummm, yeah,,, Nobody calls him that"....

   I don't want to seem like a snob,,, but I was the only one to not use a coupon for our Mothers day lunch..

   From a purely ironical perspective,,, He's going to actually walk onto 5th Ave and shoot somebody before this actually ends,,, right?

   In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home, ,, The more homeless I look.

   In order to reconnect with my conspiracy theory family, ,, I've joined 20 "flat-earth" groups on Facebook

   I'm beginning to think the Romans were lucky,,,,, At least Nero could play an instrument. .

   I wish they would stop making things out of unicorns, , those things are already almost extinct

   I need one of you to stand up at my funeral and ask for his toaster back... thanks in advance

   If I could have dinner with anyone, alive and dead, no question,,, I would want it to be Schrödinger's cat

   It's finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.

   UNITED: We love to fight,,, and it shows. ..

   Tyler Durden: The first rule of Flight Club is: You do not talk about Flight Club.

   well,, of course Sea Salt is better than regular salt cuz,, you know, ,,,, fish poop

   In light of recent news regarding 'A day without a woman' men everywhere a grateful just to have peace & quiet from a nagging mother-in-law

   Whoever came up with the slogan Diamonds are Forever, obviously never had herpes.

   Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn't get an answer to the question you didn't hear her ask from upstairs

   Sure,, Sure,, I could kill you with kindness,, but let’s see what else is just lying around I can use first.