SEDDY90 Funny Status Messages

   Let's play a game. Let's pretend we're in love. lets text each other all the time, just for the fun. Whoever falls in love first, loses.

   I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I'd rather SH!T in my hands and clap!"

   The only time I've ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.

   Woman are born to be the best liars and (man)ipulate you through their sympathy strategies

   "Wow, this place is so clean! I could literally eat off the floor!" - my dog at every place she's ever been.

   What you call hoarding, I call forgetting to take out the garbage for 278 consecutive weeks.

   If a girl flushes a public toilet with her foot, there is probably a lot of other things she won't do.

   I'm so unreliable that I'm thinking about dressing up as a calculator for Halloween just so my friends can finally count on me.

   I Just Drove Like Six Miles With My Left Turn Signal On...Yep I'm Officially Old!  ☹

   Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off,too cold. One leg out, perfect,until the awkward moment when the demon from Paranormal Activity grabs it..

   Cheered myself up earlier by putting a “no U-turn” sign in a dead-end street.

   Fought a guy in a wheelchair. He said I'll get you when I get to heaven and get my legs back. I said, it's a Stairway to Heaven, not a ramp.

   I think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster.

   when I die my gravestone is going to have a "DisLike" button before facebook does!

   Its hard to Turn a Boy into a Man. Is even harder to Turn a Hoe into a Housewife.

   Year 2050 Son: "Dad,how did you meet mom?" Dad: "Aaah my son..... it all started with a friend request on facebook."

   But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

   Whenever I erase text messages, I feel like I'm deleting evidence :)

   Why do we need algebra? Finding X is only useful if you're a pirate.

   i already owns a 3D television. I call it "my window."