Reznor Funny Status Messages

   So I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex. She told me she had been having sex with an A-Hole for years.

   Seeing the physique of the male swimmers in the relay today made me wanna do something. So I sat up, ate ice cream, and cried myself to sleep...

   What if the dryer didnt take a sock, but actually gave us an extra sock - Some stoned dude

   China has really impressed me in the Olympics. They use the same person for every event!

   "Thank god that day is over"-- Chikens

   its no longer the little birdy that told you something. now days its "i seen it on facebook."

   I wasnt planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

   Im starting to worry that my Guardian Angel is a crack head!

   Gonna dress in drag and head on up to Chik-Fil-A!

   it poontang or punetang? Need to know fast, I'm writing a sympathy card.

   Whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously never grew marijuana...

   Well it sounds like my girlfriend is upstairs reading "50 Shades of Grey" or she's been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.

   Today feels like a pull the fire alarm kinda day.

   You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching your kids to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!

   Couldn't it have been a little cooler for National No Bra Day??

   Well guess its time to do the dishes....... The kids are drinking their milk from shotglasses.

   Found the pot at the end of the rainbow and I smoked it........

   Veni, vidi, vici- I came I saw I conquered ~~ Julius Caesar. Vidi, Vici, Veni - I saw, I conquered, I came! ~~ Some single dude

   When I meet people, I choose whether I like them solely based on if I think they would be fun to get drunk with.....