Onecuwldood Funny Status Messages

   The best things in life are free...............So how many kittens do you want?

   I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

   I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

   I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

   When offering an apology, if you include buts... and excuses it kind of negates the apology... What do you think?

   Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

   Someone asked me for my email address today, I don't know, I never email myself!!!

   I will be hosting the next meeting of the Somerset Time Travel club. It will be held Wednesday of last week. We will be serving breakfast for supper. Please plan to attend! We really missed you next week.

   Ok, so they have GPS that can navigate you all the way across the country...why can't someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?

   This copy of Windows is not genuine... Dang, I'll never find that guy that sold me Windows from the trunk of his car... He seemed legit. Lesson learned.

   Ok let me see if I have this straight. When counting calories, if you forget to write them down, you don't have to count them, right?

   Note to self: That was way to much beer!

   Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you." She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?" He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

   WOW! Can you believe Justin Bieber is 17 today, seems like just yesterday she was just a little girl playing in her room with her karaoke machine. Next thing you know she'll find a nice guy and get married and start having kids of her own.

   I failed this quiz question... Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the answer is Africa! Who knew?!?!

   My friend is having sex with his GF and her twin, asked how he tells them apart, he said her brother has a mustache!

   The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

   Why are they calling the music I grew up on "Classic Rock"? I'm not that old...am I?

   To those who do not believe that war is the answer... Please enjoy your "Independence Day". Heck enjoy the whole weekend.

   Sure it's flattering and weird at the same time, but you need to stop thinking of me when you masturbate...