Missy Funny Status Messages

   you know....I like my men like my Rum: Gone in the morning....

   Just saw an ad on my homepage that read, "Like Writing About Beards? Search For Careers Now!" - because if there's one thing we're really lacking right now, it's freelance beard writers.

   Hand Sanitizer: Helping us discover paper cuts we never knew we had

   I want you to know something but I dont want to tell you so I'll let the first three words of this sentence

   if I want to commit suicide , all I would do is jump from your 'EGO' to your ' IQ Level'.

   Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip Cookies is the reason why I have trust issues

   Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out

   Condoms are cheaper than diapers, remember that:)

   My magic watch say's you don't have any underwear on... Oh, you do?... It must be 15 minutes fast.

   Laxatives are the best cough suppressant.

   If my ship ever did come in, with my luck, I am pretty sure it would be named the Titanic!

   Some day's should come with a warning label: Today's gonna suck, so bring alcohol.

   Dear Mr Sandman ~ I think you lost my Address!

   Feisty & Non compliant, can I get a behavior plan over here?

   I never said I knew what what I was doing, I said I was going to do it anyways!

   I Like my Job on my day's off, I LOVE my job on paydays!

   If I said something to offend you .. tell me... I may want to use it again:)

   Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid ... I really thought you already knew!

   uuuggg one of these days I would like to wake up independantly wealthy so I can go back to bed!

   Said to herself "Self", and I knew it was me cause I recongized my own voice & was wearing my underwear "you should really make me another rum & coke"!